How bout these long posts, riiieeegghht?

Like the title says, How 'bout these long posts? Sorry, that's just what you get! Or, I guess what I get for starting a blog, writing three things then abandoning it for a month. Just beaar with me, they'll get shorter*.

*sorry they probs won't. You want a cookie**?

**me too. Go get me one.

Vincents.

You came back! Oh thank GOD. I was getting lonely and it's so cold here!....Oops, I was typing next to an open freezer again. Such an idiot!

Ok, by now you must have read that last post and are dying to hear about my New York bus experience. I don't take the bus very often, I'm more of a subway kind of person...over Quizno's. See what I did there? Sorry, it's a real disease. Ok, so Serbian broker and I are taking the bus. That's where we left off. The first bus ride we had together was fairly uneventful. The bus driver got testy with Serbian broker and told her to sit down, but other than that, it was fine. The second bus ride, though was a horse of a different color. So many, many different colors in fact.

I don't know how many of you watch or have watched Project Runway in your time, but several seasons ago there was a contestant by the name of Vincent who was very...special. He was weird, neurotic, kind of strange looking, and talked a lot. And oft got angry. Here (the good stuff happens about 1:59 in) is a point of reference for you. And here. Also here. I'd like you to keep this person in your head-movies as we go along.

We had quite a distance to travel and, at first, it seemed this bus ride would be uneventful as well. Nope. Not so. While we were still about 20 blocks from our destination, things starting take a weird turn. A man got on the bus, dressed strangely, obviously a little weird and neurotic, and sat diagonally from me (and Serbian broker). He also wore Teva sandals . That's not what's important, I just wanted everyone to know he was wearing Tevas. He eyed everyone angrily, especially a girl sitting next to him playing with in ipad. Soon after another man got on the bus, tried to use his metrocard, discovered it had no fare, but somehow talked our bus driver into letting him off in one stop. At this next stop, ipad girl got off, leaving Tevas alone momentarily before someone took her spot.

We seemed to be stopped for longer than usual and this made Tevas very nervous or agitated. So much so he began making grumbling noises and "Aaagghh!" sounds out loud. This is when I realized who he was! Vincent Libretti from Season 3 of Project Runway! Not literally him though, just, you know, his type.

After another minute or two, the handicap lift was lowered letting on a woman with a walker. She came and sat down across from me in one of 2 empty seats. The lift went back to normal, letting on 2 more people. The elderly woman, very graciously, got up to move further down the bus prompting Tevas (who, from now on, will be referred to as Vincent) to say, seemingly uncharacteristic for him, "Aaaagh, ma'am, please, take aaaaghh, my seat, ok. Aaagggh" which she did. He stood next to her and they chatted as the two other people ended up sitting further down the bus.

THEN. The lift lowered again. Vincent began to get more upset. An elderly Spanish woman got on with a walker. She walked right pass without paying a fare and started to come down the aisle. The bus driver was having none. "You can't ride without a fare, you'll have to get off!" he yelled. She didn't respond, she kept walking, finding a seat directly across from me. I thought she was going to stare into my soul. "Ma'am, did you HEAR me? You have to get off if you don't pay!" She began to speak in Spanish, saying things I didn't understand as I don't speak Spanish. Eventually all she said was, "Don't have, sorry" then stared into my soul again. Like a...thing. That does that.

The bus driver refused to move. We were all tense, barely breathing when Vincent said, "Aaaaggghh! Just give her aaaaggh a ride! If we're gunna be here for 30 aaaggh more minutes, give her a riiiiiide! Aaaagghh mooove the buussss!!" To which the bus driver responded with, well, moving the bus. Passive aggressively slamming on the breaks and such.

At this point I didn't even know what to aaaggh do. I can't be put in situations like this. I can't control my face. It was very difficult. Finally, Serbian broker (who had remained completely silent and stoic through this whole ordeal) jabbed me and told me to get off at the next stop. Like I was being held hostage by her or something. Which, in a sense I was.

As soon as we got off she finally piped up with, "God, if you want to be a writer, look no further!" I was shocked, I wanted to say, "YEAH YOU NOTICED THAT TOO?" but thought better of it. We had been through a lot together and were only about to go through more. Well, I was at least. The last apartment she showed me that day was a 5th floor walk-up that maybe would have housed one person and a midget comfortably, but not 3 people. We were supposed to look at more, but because of the bus ride that should have only been about 20 minutes max ended up being close to an hour, we called it a day. Thankfully.

We saw each other again though, Serbian broker and I. She almost got us an apartment, actually. But, because drag queens don't care for non-Tri-State guarantors, it didn't work out and we had to find an apartment another way. I'll never forget those few summer days, though. When I was hanging out with a Serbian broker not having the time of my life in anyway, shape, or form.

And that's all (please go to the :27 second mark).