Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Bug's Life No More.

I'm beginning to wonder if I am in fact a bad person. Bad things keep happening to me...I guess maybe I should clarify, or at the very least, keep things in perspective. I don't mean bad in that I've lost an appendage or I've been through some alien-cannibalpocalypse, I guess I mean bad in the sense that bad things keep happening to me in my apartment. The lock (did I tell you about that one???), the leak, and now...the ants.

I got off work as per usual on Monday nights (at 11..) and decided to go have an after work drink with my friend. For some reason we lucked out, only had to pay for 1 drink and got 3 free! Great! It was getting late and I figured I should get home, but not before getting something to eat, so I stopped at my "favorite" 24-hour diner to get some sustenance, where I got some free onion rings! HOORAY! I then started making my way back home, via a cab.

I noticed how strangely beautiful it was out, not hot, not chilly, though slightly muggy, with a light fog hanging in the air. I made it back to my apartment in no time it seemed, where my roommate and his visiting brother were still awake, watching t.v. I was very excited. Not only did I get free onion rings, I was about to enjoy them while watching television. Why oh why did I ever have to go into my room though!? I went to put my purse down and take my shoes off when I noticed the floor seemed to be moving. Not seeming to recall having taken any PCP earlier in the evening, I decided to investigate...

ANTS. There was a large group of creepy crawly ants crawling around my room. In my space. Where I sleep and occasionally pretend to exercise. I immediately started to curse. And stomp. And yell. And stomp. And stomp...and stomp some more. My roommate and his brother, alerted by my slight noise and stomp-making, inquired as to what was the matter "THERE ARE A FUCK-TON OF ANTS IN MY FUCKING ROOM" I purred, gently. As ladies do. They then observed there were ants out in the living room (edit: what? Living Room? I am 87 years old) also. How we had all missed them before, if there was a before (what? That didn't really make sense) (edit: it sill doesn't make sense), is beyond me. All I know is that they weren't there before I left for work, but now they were...

Angry, hungry, and upset that my good luck had run out, roommate and I traveled to Duane Reade for some bug killer. Which we got. In lemon-scented 'kills on contact' and trap form.

Now, as you might recall, I recently had a leak problem in my closet causing me to take most things out of it. These most things were in the middle of my room, or I guess as the ants thought of it, home base. I think I'm going to be burning all of my clothes now. I can't live knowing that some damn, dirty ant had its grubby little arm-legs all over it. Anyway, I apologize now (though I should have in the beginning) for the disjointedness if there is any in this post. It's almost 4 in the morning and I'm still awake. Terrified the ants are coming to get me...mostly I'm just scared they are in my bed. Waiting. I didn't see any and I sprayed enough Raid around my bed to kill...well, a human and some ants, but who knows. I feel like they're crawling all over me. It's awful. I wish I could catch a break!! (Edit: this sounds melodramatic)

Oh you know what one of the worst parts about this is??? We can't even tell we're they're coming from. At first we thought it was roommate's window, but it's not. I can't see in my room where they're coming from, but either way, it sure makes me pissssseedddd offffff. Also, since they were under my bed, I vacuumed and sprayed a lootttt underneath, but now I can't reach anything underneath there for fear of turning into a mutant insect killer can or something. Which sucks because my journal's there and I could have easily just written about this in there instead of a writing a pointless, and probably boring blog post. I guess the joke's on you?? I don't know...(Edit: Nope, still don't know)

But the long and short of it is, I guess, this: We've stopped them (for now) and I might be getting a bug bomb tomorrow just in cases. I don't want to leave any stone unturned! Because if you do, it's the one you need the most. (Edit: I literally do not remember typing this last paragraph. No, I wasn't drunk. I think I was exhausted and high of Raid fumes.) You know I'm right. God I'm tired. Also, I'm listening to the Carpenters.. And I'm sure there are 4 mil-yawn errors, typos, etc., but I just don't think I can make myself care. (I tried to fix some, but I'm still very tired).

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